The world is getting very crowded. After almost getting hit by a couple of cars crossing Piedmont Avenue a woman said to me: "You almost need a bat to cross the street now." I agreed. You need to hold your own now a days. It seemed appropriate that I was walking from the Video Room with two rented DVD's. Hiding away in the dark to watch the flickering lights, away from the noise and chatter of a larger populace I don't particularly care for.
Yesterday Brian and I made it official. The day was full of signs. I saw a pin on my bag that I knew I wanted to "pin" him with. I made him a sandwich and surprised him at his work. In the bag, along with a Calistoga and bag of chips was a note. I quoted Kristin Hersh at the bottom. "This lukewarm catastrophe is a recipe for rebirth. Or so I overheard." We took it to the roof, clammering up on the railing and pulling ourselves up through the fire escape. We sat up there and I told him all about "A Prayer For Owen Meany" and how intense it was getting. I told him I found something of his. It was his underwear and I was wearing them. Then, I told him I had another mission in coming to visit him. He looked confused and possibly worried. I had been surprising him a lot lately. I told him that I wanted him to be my boyfriend, I wanted us to go steady, I wanted to pin him. Shockingly and happily he said yes.
I finished "Owen Meany" at the very end of my break, lip tremble and all. I was very happy and elated.
Today I was reading Amy Hempel's "Tumble Home," something I'm not really enjoying as much as "Reasons To Live." I had to stop reading to go back to work. I stopped on page 42. Something else occurred today. I had a dream a few nights ago involving a woman buying picture frames that contained my baby pictures. I had never seen this woman before, she was heart broken and sad. Well, she came into the store this morning and it floored me. I was surprised and full of disbelief. She had the lipstick, the eyes, the hair color and length except it was in a half pony tail. She even wore the right color clothes. It excited me and yet confused me. I didn't know how to interpret it at all. I was so close to asking her about children, about picture frames, about her well-being but I didn't want to sound like a raving lunatic. I'm the coffee-boy, I'm not supposed to step in and start talking about crazy dreams about a woman's disappointment who could've been the woman in front of me. I'll keep my eye out for her and wait for the appropriate time, I guess. I called Brian immediately. I had told him about the dream, it's vividness, my uncertainty. He's curious about the meaning, the omen, one of the many signs that I've been confronted with lately.
Certainly, I'm not into new-age craziness and I do not believe I'm psychic. I can say that I feel as though I'm "sensitive" to certain things, events, and people's emotions.
I worry about my teeth and gums. I need to buy a plane ticket. I wonder if Brian thinks I'm pretty, cute, handsome, attractive, adorable, all those ridiculous things. I wonder when I'll have a new job, when "Mouse-tache" will be done. I wonder if my feeling of the inevitibility of the destructive failure of my new relationship due to fate and/or destiny is asinine. Should I pay attention to random symbols. I like to.
Today's playlist thus far:
New Pornographers "Electric Version"
Guided By Voices "Universal Truths And Cycles"
Neko Case "Furnace Room Lullaby"
Wilco "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot"
